Seven Ways to Improve a Sexless Marriage
If you’re in a sexless marriage, I want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve been there. For the last two years of my marriage, there was no intimacy—no sex, no connection, no spark. Looking back, I realise there were deeper issues at play. My marriage wasn’t just sexless; it was marked by emotional and verbal abuse, and despite my efforts, it ultimately couldn’t be salvaged.
Today, I regularly engage with the Reddit community on r/sexlessmarriage, and I see so many stories similar to mine. What’s especially striking is that, like my marriage, it’s often the man who withdraws from intimacy, a dynamic that’s less discussed but all too common.
Though my marriage ended, I’ve since worked with many individuals and couples who are striving to rebuild their intimate lives. I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t. If you’re in a marriage where intimacy feels like a distant memory, here are some steps that have helped others reconnect emotionally and physically.
1. Figure Out the Root Cause
Every couple is different, and the reasons behind a sexless relationship are rarely simple. For us, it wasn’t just about not having sex. There was a lack of intimacy creeping into every part of the relationship. Stress, feeling overwhelmed with life, and unspoken resentment all played a part. But the first step is figuring out what’s causing the disconnect for you.
It might be physical health issues, like erectile dysfunction or low libido. It could be mental health struggles—anxiety, depression, or past traumas. Young children and sleepless nights don’t exactly set the mood, either. It’s also worth looking at external factors like substance abuse or work stress. Without identifying the root cause, it’s hard to make real progress.
2. Build Emotional Intimacy First
One thing I realised too late is that physical intimacy often follows emotional connection. When life gets busy, it’s easy to stop sharing little things with each other. I wish I’d put more effort into spending time together in meaningful ways. Even a regular date night can make a world of difference.
For us, the emotional distance grew slowly. I think a lot of couples get caught in this trap. If I could go back, I’d focus on the small steps—like creating rituals to reconnect, sending loving messages during the day, or just making the time to talk about things that matter. These little things build the kind of emotional intimacy that naturally leads to a stronger physical relationship.
3. Address Physical Issues with Compassion
Sexual dysfunction is more common than we think, but back then, we didn’t talk about things like erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation. I wish we had been more open about what was going on. Whether it’s a low sex drive, a medical condition, or physical health issues, these things can deeply affect your sexual relationship.
If you’re facing similar challenges, it’s worth seeking professional help. A sex therapist or sex therapy can be a game-changer. Sometimes, addressing medical conditions or low libido early on can prevent a dead bedroom from becoming a long-term issue. There’s no shame in asking for help—it's often the best way to move forward.
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